Tuesday, November 2, 2010


    Problem smells everywhere. I’ve got problem with the world and it starts with me. Thinking straight had been difficult for me even though I’m trying so hard. I got problem thinking my neighbor is not courting evil. Not that I see him as a degenerated soul but like sugar attracts ants; he magnets trouble.
    My neighbor on the right hand maliciously pounces around; swearing out loud. When asked what the matter was, he could only answer in this carefully spelt words “I WILL KIDNAP. Kill if anyone tries to stop me; this is my father’s land”.
    You have to understand that my neighbor is a proper Niger Delta man who will not let those so called Bastards destroy the land his forefathers handed down to him. I wonder how my people will have to die in his struggle. Trying to understand his actually anguish wasn’t made possible because the settlement he gets from his struggle had accumulated into a well of oil in his stomach. He barely speaks audible these days but surely his actions speak louder.
    My other neighbor has been out of work in like forever. He comes to me every now and then, for food and money which I give in good faith until he started ‘winning’ my stuffs. When caught, all he could say was that he never thought I’d have a problem with him borrowing my things. “It’s the devil’s work….I swear it will never happen again” he flatly said. I wonder if our criminal friends ever get tired of that line.
    The following week, a neighbor invited me to a religious gathering.  When we got there, we sat on a slim wooden bench in the spirit of worship. The pastor cladded in an Italian design blessed us with his expensive smile as his sermon goes on. After minutes of well-articulated lessons on faith and prosperity, the pastor said things nobody was going to interpret to me or anyone else in the gathering; an act called speaking in tongues. He narrated his vision sounding like mission. The summary is that the church needs a befitting mission house and means of transportation for evangelism purpose. He admonishes the congregation to work for the Lord and gain it back in 100 folds.
    The members were clamouring to take part in the mission. My neighbor dropped all he had and pledged the wages he earned after weeks of hard labour. I had to pay his transport home and assisted him for weeks. When I couldn’t understand why he dropped his meager earnings, he reminded me that his pastor said the Lord will pay back in 100 folds. In arithmetic, he would probably be wallowing in millions by the time the Lord pays back. This makes sense especially if you are the Baba Ijebu type, only that my neighbor doesn’t quite understand literally and literary speaking context. The last time I saw him, he is actually feeding from hand to mouth. Payback is yet to come for him. If you try school him, he’d said “my pastor said that”. I found out that his pastor is always right; I left.
    My politician neighbor is the messiah of some people. He goes about spraying money; our money. He is the king of boys. A title conferred on him for his numerous generousity towards the growth of the youths; from thugs to political thugs. Thanks to him, all those youths who show their delinquency on the street molesting the innocents, now have a profession (political assassins, thugs and election saboteurs). While these youths in politics (name to dignify their indignity) risk their lives, my politician neighbor’s children are overseas spending the sweats of tax payers; having their future secured.
    He is also a renowned philanthropist donates expired food stuffs to the masses. His benevolent act had hospitalized many people but he can’t be held responsible, he is only trying to help. Just the other day, his boys were playing with grenades. Now I held some houses were razed.
    I’ve got problem with loneliness so I got myself a companion; better called a roommate. We planned to have a good life together. She claims to be a feminist and I’m not the type to relegate women. But I discovered later that females tend to take their freedom too far. I came across a passage in Black Boy where women were described as “wild animals that needed to be tamed”. My roommate is surely wild! She has so much love to share and won’t hesitate to share among boys and girls alike.
    She’d told me I wasn’t good enough but I bet she meant I couldn’t domesticate the wild animal in her. The only reason she’d put up with me in the first place was she needed shelter and cash. But now what she needed is more than I could ever provide so she moved to the guy next door. Apparently, the rich guy there has all it takes for now.
    I tried to move on by burying myself in work but that too hadn’t been easy. Rumours of sack letters hang in the air, can’t tell who’s going next. While the executive members are busy misappropriating funds, we ordinary workers get sacked. My desk neighbor had just been sacked, soon it would be me. I’ve got problem with myself, neighbours, nation even existence itself. I only hope you don’t have a problem reading my longwindedly written problems.

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